10.09.2012

That's a lot of weddings!


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Whenever meeting new people there are the usual get-to-know-ya's.

Most often mine go a little like this:

Hey, so where did you move from?
What does your husband do? 
How many kids do you have? 

Wait?
What?
4 kids? 
4 girls? Wow! 
I could not do that!  
How old are they? Oh! Whoa, that is close
That's a lot of weddings!

and finally
 
So, are you done??? or Are you going to try for a boy??


Although typical, this type of conversation throws me off every time. And every time I react a little differently. Sometimes I just ignore it, shrug it off, and with a smile on my face say, "Yeah, it's hard."

Regrettably there are times that I admit, I have shrank away. I explain that Rosie wasn't completely planned and that I would have maybe done it a little differently if I had to do it over. I am ashamed that I, at times, don't stick up for my choices and my daughters because I fear that I won't be understood or frankly just because it is a little unconventional (or crazy) to have 4 kids in 6 years.

A few months back Ava said to me, "Mom, why do people always talk about how your hands are full?"

It was then that I decided that I was never going to make my children feel like an item in my constantly full arms, especially when approached by a stranger that is trying to make awkward small talk with me. So I started casually saying, "Yeah, but we wouldn't have it any other way." Or, "Yeah, but we love it."

This post is a little hard for me because each one of my amazing, beautiful, talented, silly, brilliant daughters is so so so dear to me. I would not change a single thing about how they came to us and I would not change the fact that they each have three wonderful sisters to lean on, love, fight with, be brave with, learn from, and cherish.

As of right now. Today. If you and I were getting to know each other and talking about my kids I would tell you that I feel so incredibly blessed to be a mother, that I love how close my daughters are, that I'm so so so happy to be a vibrant young mom, and that yes I plan to have 15 more before I'm 40.


:)



18 comments:

nettie said...

Colorado is the worst. They are polite, but they do not get why you would have more than 2 children...as they walk around with 4 dogs.

Leslie said...

I absolutely love that you have all girls. It is so fun! I love my two so close together. They're the best of friends and they'll always have each other. I have five sisters and love it. I wouldn't change it. (I also have five brothers so I get the weird looks for having a big family) Loved this post. :)

Rachelle said...

Well girl I am only having my third and every single annoying Californian looks at me like I'm crazy!! It's annoying. I feel the same way about not always standing up and saying, "hey, I love this, and I might even do it again!"

Your girls are perfect. I have four sisters. It was a good time. And my mom eventually had one boy. :)

But really, we need to chat again and discuss how you can get that boy. :)

Scooby and Jon said...

I get a lot of those awkward conversations too, "Oh wow, twins! 3 boys! Are you done or trying for a girl? Your hands are sure full!"
Thankfully, somebody showed me "moms of multiples are freaks of nature" on youtube. and now I just laugh when I get those questions.

Clandestine Road said...

Honestly, I wanted four girls. I am so grateful for our boy (our fourth) and I love him so much. I too get tired of the "you're hands are full!" small talk. I always respond, "happily so!" What hurts me is the "well, dad finally got his boy," as though my husband and I do not love and value our girls. They are amazing people. I also would not have it any other way. Maybe that's why I wanted four girls. I don't want any of them to feel less than, even if just by an awkward stranger.

Beautiful post, Hayley.

Briawna said...

I think my favorite comment about having lots of kids was when someone said, "I don't think anyone should have more than two kids, because, honestly, who has time for more?" Um, I do. Of course it's challenging to balance things out. But isn't that what makes life interesting. Your girls will love having sisters as they grow up (and hate it, too!). Sometimes I second guess myself and wonder if I really could handle more than 2, but who would I give up? Beautifully stated, as usual.

TheKeilShpeel said...

I LOVE THIS POST!!! I get the same questions but just the opposite obviously and mine aren't as close but yes my hands are full, yes they are busy, crazy, full of energy that keep me on my toes but I love it. I do get the question and statement I should try for a girl. I never know what to say when that happens.

the crew said...

Beautifully said- honestly, it is easy to second guess ourselves and think that someone else may know better than we do- but how silly is that? We really should trust the feelings we have, and the knowledge we have, and stand up for the choices we've made- no matter how illogical they may seem to others (referring to my own choices here more than anyone else's). We really are all different, and can handle different things- great to remember this! Thank you- I love you and your beautiful, wonderful family!!

Christen Noelle said...

I just LOVE you, I sure hope you have 15 more!!! You are seriously the BEST mother ever and your girls... a-m-a-z-i-n-g!!! Seriously, keep 'em comin'!

d said...

gotta say- you are crazy! but in the best way possible. Your life is full of meaning and your hands and arms are full of creations of wonder and joy. I get these questions all the time!!! Yes- I am crazy, but we always say in response, "I know, isn't it awesome?!"
Here in DC I am definitely in the minority being a stay at home mom, and wanting a fourth. Even out of our ward I have one of the most kids, and I want more. At soccer practice last night I was chatting with the moms and they "marveled" that I had three active boys and then I told them I would love one more little boy so the younger two could be as close as the older two. They both laughed, and then stopped as they saw I was serious. All they gave me were their condolences. I laughed then.
You are an awesome, REAL mom. Your girls know that they are number one to you. It is important for my boys to know that what I do as a mom is REALLY HARD but doing hard things has great rewards, and being able to have a close strong family is a great reward. sorry for the novel- you struck a chord

Ali said...

You are the most amazing mom and I love your confidence! Your daughters are lucky to have each other. Coming from a family of 4 girls myself, I wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

Rachel said...

So...are you going to try for a boy? ;)

Kent said...

I love everything about this post. Well said!

Jord said...

You describe your thoughts perfectly and I couldn't agree with you more.

Lechelle said...

beautiful post.

Ash said...

Beautiful post. Made me get teary eyed... (wish i wasn't at work when reading it). You are such an amazing mom and I love all your girls so much. I hope you have 20 more :)

sheena said...

tears. I love this. Your girls are so lucky to have you guys, and to have each other. I have learned (in my wise old age;) that people just say stupid things. I constantly find myself on the OTHER end of the spectrum--"oh--only two", "you're not done right?" "you'd better hurry, your two are getting so big!". I feel like I have to defend myself, trying to explain, that, well, it, uh, wasn't really planned this way. Sometimes things just happen. I used to get so upset, but I'm trying to be better at shrugging it off, or trying to make them feel stupid right back:)

Thanks so much for sharing.

Anonymous said...

Perfect. Can't remember how I stumbled on your blog a few months back but glad I did. I am also a young mom of four girls close in age. WeWe have both been blessed! I had a similar experience recently as I realized my almost-four-year-old listens to these nosey strangers. She knows what "poor Dad" and "was it an accident/surprise?" and "wow you must be exhausted" mean. She can sense the negativity. I, like you, have learned to (try to) respond in a way that validates their worth and the joy they are to us. Way to stand up for your girls and your little family!
Sara

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