last day

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i get to work around 6:45pm.

i had some dip in tow for my little going away potluck and the trusty breast-pump that i have been borrowing from a friend since Miss Rosie was born.

i swipe my badge and get report. a patient with reconstructive facial surgery, another that had a crushed leg from a motorcycle vs car accident, one with a COPD exacerbation, one with back surgery, a patient with chest pain, and finally one that had surgery on a kidney.

the night goes:

rounding and charting
take a break to pump
lunch potluck yeah-ya!
chart checks
update my notes
another round of meds
finally another update of notes
give report to day shift
and then i clean out my locker/box, say goodbyes, and head home at 7:45am

funniest thing ever is that as i'm writing out my final notes someone mentioned how my life was going to be all "rainbows and unicorns" now that i'll be home with my babies. in my tired daze i proceeded to unconsciously write unicorns on my note. since nurses notes cannot be altered i had to leave it with just a strike-through and pray that no one will ever ever audit that chart.

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i walk out looking back on the hospital and the last year i have spent there. i have adored most of my patients and been totally aggravated by others. there are some that i will never forget. i have learned that when things are crazy, stressful, and unnerving from 7-11pm it all eventually slows down and i will catch up and have time to use the bathroom and breathe. i decided that i was completely naive in ever wanting a motorcycle after seeing the injuries from riders that were careless or unseen. i have learned that med-surg nursing is absolutly respectable and probably harder than any other nursing job out there. i have discovered that the learning curve is steep and slippery - just when i thought i was getting ahead of the game i would learn that i was still a "baby nurse".

mostly i learned how precious life is. how miraculous our bodies are. and how amazing science is. i learned about denial, loss, defeat, and hope. i learned that sometimes no words are the best words of all and that just holding someones hand can be more healing than drugs.

i will miss it tremendously and i do wholeheartedly anticipate the day when i get to return to the hospital.

but i know that now is my time with my family. i need them. they need me. the patients will always be there - my babies won't.


Carly said...

Good luck Hay! You deserve a break. A break that has four children. Definitely not all rainbows and unicorns! You are awesome!

Jord said...

What a bitter-sweet day, but like you said your babies won't always be babies. I am excited for you to enjoy full time mothering life and am sure awesome things are to come on the dirt.

Rach said...

this made me all teary:) You are awesome!

Ash said...

Great post! I am excited for you and E to be able to breathe again.

the crew said...

Yay! I agree it is probably bitter sweet- but oh, enjoy that sweetness!!!

TheKeilShpeel said...

This post gave me the chills. Such a bitter sweet but like you said.. the patients will always be there but your children won't. When they grow older you can go back and work part time, or if something were to happen at least you have it to fall back on.. but enjoy the break. I know your girls will. They are going to love you being around to create, be silly and snuggle with.

Alisha said...

great post. i'm happy for you. you've done so much in the last 5 years! it's due time to be a full-time mother and homemaker.

Shaunna Akers said...

You are an AMAZING writer!

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