Forgetting Study Group


Last night I walked out the door at 7pm to go to study group. The girls moaned which is nothing new...they always hate when I have to leave for school.

I got to the car, checked my phone and there was a text. I turned around and walked back in the house just 30 seconds later - my last study-partner had bailed.

The girls were confused then delighted that I didn't have to leave.

Three nights a week Easy does the job of putting all three children to bed solo. He is a good man.

Last night I took over the duties of reading to the girls, scratching their backs, and waiting for them to drift off into dreamland.

Mae went out like a light. Blondes waited for me to come snuggle with her and rub her back, but was a sweetheart and offered to scratch mine first. After she was done I rolled over and she held my face in her hands. She told me that I was the best mommy ever.

This is huge to me. I often feel guilty that I'm not giving my girls enough. That I'm not measuring up and that school is inhibiting my mothering.

I asked her if she wanted to talk for a while and in hushed voices we explored her day together. We giggled as she talked about her day at preschool where they went on a field-trip to the Case's house to see the animals - complete with a pig that's belly almost brushes the ground, dogs that stayed in the house, chickens - which are nothing new to her, and a turtle that is "this big," comes from the desert, and hibernates. She said that she actually touched the black pig with just her pointer finger one time - she shuddered as she told me about it. The turtle she actually didn't see - which made me laugh because she was the most excited about it.

I tell you all this because I would have missed a thousand study groups for this moment with my girl.

And for that moment, I did feel like "the best mommy ever" as I scratched her back and thought about her nervously touching the black pig. I kissed her face and waited for her to drift into dreamland.


banananutmeg said...

what the crap am I doing in school?! I hate leaving. I hate rushing out the door. I hate making "quick dinners" every Thursday night.

I re-ask myself if I am making the wrong use of my time every single time I walk out the door. Every time. Why do mothers have to feel so guilty when they do something for ourselves? And is it really just for me? I don't really think of school as something selfish...but when I tell others about my crazy life, it certainly sounds that way when I hear myself say it out loud. And then I question everything all over again.

But I think that if we give more of ourselves in the moments that we can, it does make up for the time we're away. Your post is beautiful.

Scooby and Jon said...

That's precious, thanks for sharing!

the crew said...

I live for those moments. It really is so good to hear and know that they feel loved and love you back oh so deeply.

Lara said...

Just clicked through to your blog. I loved this post. It's so hard to have so many things pulling us every which way and I feel guilty very often about not being the best mom to my three daughters as I could. Thanks for the reminder to take some snuggle time in the evening and just talk with them about their day.

moshell's lilbit of space said...

Question for you. When you had A&P1 did you actually get lectured or left of your own accord to learn?

Seriously...we are being left on our own accord. I am hoping & praying it will get better from here, but hasn't yet.

Leslie said...

Your girls are so sweet. You ARE the best Mom all the time! :) But, I know how it can be. Sometimes it's nice to just sit with our little ones and cuddle and hear what they have to say.

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